Sprout in the Garden – Reflections on Growth and Change

This girl of ours, who we lovingly call Sprout, seems to have a soft spot in her heart for the outdoors.

From sitting with the chickens to reading about the all the things you can grow, harvest and eat in the garden to going for a short walk, Sprout just smiles and talks and laughs about it the whole time.

It’s amazing how our children can change us, isn’t it? How they can give us a fresh perspective on the whole world with the littlest smile or laugh or knowing look.

The last year has been an absolute whirlwind of growth and change.

There was the conception of Sprout after years of trying and the exit of my oldest daughter as she insisted on her age being representative of her ability to be a full-on grown up.

There was the stability at work that we’d been working towards steadily despite the previous three years of explosions and uncertainty and the subsequent resignation of our Executive Director which took our organization to yet another sharp turn in the road.

Then there were the conversations about what the next steps might be for my Partner and I where our jobs were concerned. See, we work together. There were applications and offers and stipulations set forth.

And we talked and cried and decided the Universe was providing an opportunity for change. The opportunity to try something new.

So, she accepted the position of Executive Director and I started to mentally prepare myself to leave the job and the community I have loved with my entire being for a full decade. See, my partner and I work together, which has never been an issue. However, policies state that one cannot supervise the other and her promotion to “boss” puts our relationship in violation of said policies. Our choice was hard…her job or mine…but it was our choice and we made it together. And my heart broke and leapt at the same time.

Then came Sprout! A week after my partners promotion, she gave birth to Sprout and the whirlwind of eating, crying and pooping began. There were cuddles and smiles and her sweet smelling head. There were days and weeks that went by and nothing else mattered except this sweet little girl of ours! There were holidays filled with friends, family and travel and then my official, legal adoption of my sweet girl.

And all of this brings us to today, which is the day I send out my letter of resignation to all of the families in the program I manage letting them know that I will be leaving. And my heart is breaking yet again.

See, there is a grieving that has to happen before a re-growth can come about. A bit of a death to honor the passion and commitment to the community I love so much and have devoted so many years and tears and joys to.

And there is also work to do. Work to transition away from my position as effortlessly as possible and work to solidify my own next steps.

There is work to do to maintain our little homestead and work to do to honor my sadness and my hope. There are chickens to take care of and seeds to order and relationships to maintain.

And there is a business to create. My very own business.

The next steps in this ever-growing, ever-evolving life of mine that I have to take. And I am terrified and excited in the same moment.

I am questioning myself and my abilities constantly. I am assessing my value and what I have to offer the world when I stand on my own two feet. I am afraid of the unknown and thrilled at the possibilities. I am a hot mess.

See, if I’m going to do this, I want to do it right. No half stepping, no jumping without looking, just lots of planning and hoping and trusting that the Universe has a plan in place to make up for all of these changes. All of this uncertainty.

And at the same time, I am so very excited about the opportunity to create my own business and to work at home and out in the garden with Sprout. To be right by her side as she grows and changes and learns something new every minute of every day.

I am so very ready to see what the next season will bring with Sprout by my side in the garden and my partner by my side in life.

I am so very glad that spring, with all of it’s renewal and hope and promise, is just around the bend.

And I am so very grateful for the opportunity to allow myself to grow, to allow myself to change and evolve and try something new.

One step at a time.

This new life of mine, of ours, is going to rock.

xoxo,
M

Linking up to the HomeAcre Hop #55, Homestead Barn Hop #144Homemade Mondays #65, Frugal Days, Sustainable Ways #106, From the Farm