We spent some very intentional time with The Boys over the last few days…watching them, playing with them, feeding them grain…thanking them.
Thanking them for their lessons…
For their beauty…
For their grace.
Thanking them for stepping into our lives and showing us another piece of ourselves in this grand puzzle that is our journey.
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As we met with our neighbor about The Plan for the weekend E asked him if he was taking The Boys away (which is the language I’d been using with her to prepare her for their sudden absence) and he (with much more experience in such conversations than I) said, “They’re not going away, they’re just changing form and becoming a part of all of us again.”
E didn’t seem to fully grasp what he was meaning (she did just turn three) but I was grateful for the deeper meaning for her and for myself, the seed being planted in her heart (and the profound reminder in mine) about life and death and body and spirit and interconnectedness and flow.
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There’s something very different for me about this next step on our path…
The process of making really hard choices and following through with them…
The process of being closer to our food in the most intimate way possible and truly understanding what it means to give a living being a good life and then consciously choosing to take that life in order to sustain our own…
And making that distinct choice to know them and love them intentionally and to carry that with us in every meal they’ll provide us with.
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As I spent some alone time with Mama, Lucy & Ethel today as they find their new/renewed balance as a herd of three, I was overwhelmed by a deep knowing, a deep gratitude, for their original presence, for The Boys, and for the whole experience. I still feel very tender about it all…there are still a few tears in me and an ebbing and flowing of weight in my chest (as there should be)…and I wonder if this is a game changer for me on this journey of ours…if this will solidify my knowing that we are on the right path or if I will begin to question everything.
Though, really, questioning everything isn’t such a bad thing after all, now is it?
xoxo,
M
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It is so hard to raise animals from babies for food…if there is a way to not get attached, I don’t know what it is.
Ugh…I hear you. Such an important learning process.
I love your blog for so many reasons Melissa, and this is just one. I appreciate the step by step blogs, educating me on how others go about killing and butchery. I want to know this stuff, I want to live that life one day. But I also want to know how it FEELS to make that choice, to live the decision.
Thank you for sharing your journey with this, the emotional preparation for you both and your daughter. I have a lot of respect for those who respectfully grow and procure their own food. I’m all for the growth that comes with awareness and being fully present. 🙂
Thank you so much for these words. They really mean a lot to me as I continue to navigate what pieces of our journey to share in this space <3
It is difficult every time, but I found the benefits worth it. I am glad that my children grew up with a close relationship to their food. I am grateful for my years on a farm, I miss them a lot.
We are so grateful for these experiences…the joy and the grief…and feel so blessed to be able to offer E all that she has here. I am sorry to hear you’re no longer on a farm. We think about that as an option (*is it an option?) somewhere down the road and it makes me sad every time we think about it.
Thanks for taking the time to comment! I hope you have a lovely week!