Today felt as though it should have been a big day…
The weeks and days leading up to it surely did.
And yet, how does one go about marking a decade of missing one’s mother?
I thought there would be streams of tears and a deep, raw sadness.
I thought there might be anger, emptiness, or the need to curl up into a ball and nap the day away.
I thought the waves carrying all.of.the.things would surely crash over me at some point during this anniversary.
And yet, the day was relatively calm and steady.
The hours ticked on as they generally do, though the moments passed with a tender undertone…an awareness, an acknowledgement of all that came before and all that has transpired since 2.7.2006.
And so, how does one go about marking a decade of missing one’s mother?
Well, I planted some seeds to remember her and re-establish my hopeful plans for all the days, weeks, and months that have yet to come…and I carried the spirit of my mom’s green thumb with me as I did so since my own green thumb is still evolving.
I lit some candles and tapped into spirit by meditating on a mantra instead of on all of the energy between us.
I reflected on the last time I saw her and on the last time we spoke and how that last visit was so very rough and how that final (and very lucid) conversation was such.an.amazing.gift.
Then, I listened to Sade’s Lover’s Rock in it’s entirety because it was the last music we listened to together and I haven’t listened to it since and it is so good and it was time for that memory and for that music to be healed.
And so it is.